Got hit on my head.

After a month of following American Idol, for no joy in life, but the few hours of idle position for a butt, I saw something hard-hitting. I spent days falling in love with Jordin's voice, praising Mellinda's strength, and drooling over Sanjaya's command of the camera. It was the last episode that I actually watched on my toes. Finally, something that brings entertainment to a new level...something that gives that currency something worth to do. Africa is a place I've always wanted to go to. Whenever I think back at my short past and review my childhood, I think of that nation, I think of my country. It's not pity I got for them. I don't know how it is to go hungry more than a day. I don't want to sit here crying for them and kneel down in front of a cross for them. There's hardly anything which will make some of us lethargic fools to move out of our walls. This is not the first time I see their faces, listen to the voices, look at their tears, and faint in awe of that smile that they get out of thin air. I feel like slapping myself. I can't smile if I get disturbed by the smallest thing. And these children found a way to sing, to dance, to live. I don't know how to live. I feel dumber by the day. I feel smaller by the day. But you know what my sickening pragmatism saves me even today. Now, if I feel this way there is a logic to its solution. So, if I need to get out of these walls, which I've worked my ass of at...then I should be fine. I'm out of the walls. I need to feel good about where my mind and time goes. I felt a lump in my throat when I saw those kids... And I'm out of words. out of solutions out of anything but I'm glad for a lot of things. I just hope that money that program collected goes and saves those who need it. Love all...(and that's all I've been able to do till now) Sam.