10 April 2007

Pursuit of Happyness

I know many blogs found amusement with this topic. I don't intend to ramble much about the film, though Will Smith and his son made a big impact on my day. Each one of us embark on this pursuit...this journey, in small or big ways. My first success for sure was when I was the only creature in the whole theatre to laugh when Will Smith asked, "Isn't Happiness spelled with an 'i' and not a 'y'?" When people ask a question, something even as trivial as this, that has been troubling your mind, why won't you laugh? I felt so happy that moment. Felt so beautiful and free indulging in that laughter. I sat there with a tiny victory in my own pursuit of happiness. As the week grew on me, Osamu Tezuka's graphic novel series on Buddha was a good thing to unwind with after exams. When one reads a lot one ends up with these hundred thoughts, and suddenly experience a lack of time to comprehend. There I was sitting by the window, reading the novel and read that Buddha was born on April 8th. I sat dumb for some significant minutes - I know a friend with that birthday, I thought. That's how comfortable and existential my life seems to me. My concerns for myself seem so futile to consider at all. And yet I find a reason to pursue happiness. What is happiness? I get this every time I am validated by myself. Every time I feel right. Every time I do something crazy enough to free that bluebird in me. That could be a smile, some laughter, a song, getting wet in the rain...the moment without inhibitions. Weird enough...some economists figure money as the sole decider of happiness. I can't deny that concept as a whole. After all, we only end up hunting for something we need to chase. Everyone finds the moment of change...the answer...the confusion, sometime...some odd time. I found a small answer in something my classmate spoke about. Sitting with our farewell statements and just general sharing with the school...she spoke. It felt as if this was the first time I ever listened to her. Her voice seemed new, because it told me something I needed to hear for long. If that had been told the way she had put it that day, so much would have been different. But having listened to it...Now, something is different. She talked about doing something you love doing, just for the sake of doing it, though you may not be great at it. She addressed the question I entered the school with. She answered the question I entered with. And suddenly everything I wanted out of my school life just fell in place. Disappointment is my biggest problem. I figured many people get disappointed. But for me it was the most smallest things that cause this dip in my day. It could be something as futile as you telling me you will see me today...making plans from morning...and then canceling it in the last minute. It isn't something great. You might just be this person I actually see everyday. Our plans could have been to just drink coffee. I lash out into disappointment within myself. This is scary. But somehow what my classmate spoke about answered it. It was as simple as getting the coffee myself. It is interesting to now look back and see the range of things I dropped just because of momentary disappointment of not being great at it. I suffer quite directly today. Just because I wasn't some Jackie Chan in martial arts, a Michael Jordon in basketball, a Ronaldinho in football, and just not a crazy celebrity with my first attempts, I managed to back out from a range of activities. So much so that I back out from the forum of physical activities itself. I just sat there with some dumb failure before my eyes, some frowns that I carried, and went away from so many things I just freely love and will enjoy doing. All I needed was to be me while doing what I want to do. The pursuit is defined. Grammar and spellings do not play a role in this life. Sometimes it is as simple as starting something new...cleaning my room, stepping on oil paint and scrubbing the floor off, run up and down the stairs, joining a class...makes me feel new and strong. I've never felt full enough for the compliment that I receive - You're versatile. Think how can one be versatile if you actually don't manage to do something love to, want to, and need to do. The capability of a person and the happiness received has a direct connection. Will Smith's character for instance. He does something he needs to, loves to, wants to, and can do...taking the first steps of his pursuit of happyness. Yes, economical security does play an active role. Today, this has more importance than anything else actually. But what I see also the thirst to fill the capability of the person. If at all, I cried in that movie, except from credits for the directorial touches, I as a person saw someone do something I haven't been able to. Stepping out of a glass box, touching the waves while walking on the beach, speaking to sky while on the ground...all takes courage. It is just that everyone needs to keep them as alive as possible...even when they in actuality cease to live.

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