19 December 2006

Watching old Oprah shows

My morning was not all that pleasant. I read two messages on my phone. One friend saying he is confused that he might lose his father. Another friend saying she has a lost a complete chapter of today's exam portions. Three o' clock in the morning I leaned on my green pillows and reread those messages over and over again. Do I have any strength to console? Illness...as much as being self-inflicted it depends on the hope, assistance, and facilities provided by those around. Almost every action depends on that simple smile or nod that will reassure you and motivate you to stand by your words. Exams...we write a lot of those. Some to get marks, and some to gain life. Earlier this week, I failed an exam. Unfortunately, a history exam, the first I am failing in the past two years. When I sat there and continued to blank out, I kept telling myself - this is not the end of life. I had to fail one exam to know how it is to be one of those several classmates, so continuously picked at for those superficial marks. I have never mastered papers, but never did I fail. I thought I would never fail, and yet I did. Now to think back, I knew every damn word in that paper. Yet, circumstances, headaches, tension, distraction, and procrastination piled on me and the three hours of examination went down the drain. Now, I laugh. I seem like this person who knows everything and can do everything. I cycled back with my friend, and got home - exhausted! A fairly successful exam on Environmental Science. I lounged on a cushion and I watched Commander in Chief. This soap is totally inspirational. To be the President is no free easy cake; that too a woman US President. This soap may not depict every truth. This soap may add a lot of masala to the subject, but it is on the most sensible soaps I have seen in a long time. Usually, I watch the old Oprah shows at two in the afternoon. It is just a wave of inspiration, or just some fun criticizing her and others. Most of the time I am sitting there and commenting - Oh! Look at her giving advices, altering other's lives, not letting them live it. But, coming to think of this comment, I also see something useful in this. Not everything you learn comes from what you may experience. This brings me back to a very old theme in my mind. What does listening mean? I have gone through some troubles. I have understood that something more than me matters in this world. What will I do? I listened... Listening happens on three planes. The first plane is to listen to yourself. The second plane is to listen to others. The third plane is to listen to everything happening around you. All three planes can work simultaneously. Listening does not mean nod and agree. Unless you carefully listen, you will never be able to properly agree or disagree. If you listen, then you will have the urge to be heard. Then people will start listening to you. You will not spend your life arguing, or preaching, but actually voicing feelings and thoughts that are very informed. You need to take the decision to listen. Listening does not end with only the sounds and speeches around you. It is a process of carefully listening to the movements, the feelings, the signals, and absorbing the atmosphere. Becoming a whole human being, is not being perfect, but being able to give for yourself and others. And that comes from the decision to listen.

1 comment:

Sappai said...

Sam. Good writing style. Keep up the good work. I am marking this URL for regular reading. Keep posting.
Realise you have a philosophical side aswell. :-)